Is Moving Through Social Anxiety Really About the Coping Mechanisms?
Is moving through social anxiety really about the coping mechanisms?
Or is it about deciding which situations are actually worth the effort of moving through in the first place?
Pretty much all HSPs know the regret of saying “yes” to a social engagement that you wished you hadn’t attended. Additionally, pretty much all of us have regrets about passing up an aligned opportunity to socialize because our anxiety took over.
I’ve been thinking a lot about coping mechanisms for social anxiety. There’s certainly many useful tools that HSPs can use to move through social situations that have the potential to be activating or overstimulating.
But here’s another thing I’ve realized lately: social anxiety coping mechanisms are only secondary to the core of your “why.” Why are you choosing to move through social anxiety in the first place? Locating your “why” can be surprisingly helpful…and may allow you to challenge yourself and say yes to more social situations that you actually want to be at. And of course, an inability to location your “why” may save you the time and energy of placing yourself in an overstimulating situation that will likely reap little or no psychological rewards.
Will attending help me grow or learn something new?
Is this a good opportunity to potentially have positive connection to others?
If you could drink a magic potion and erase all anxiety, would there be a genuine desire to go?
Could this be a confidence-building experience or a “corrective experience”? (Corrective experiences are “events that challenge one's fear or expectations and lead to new outcomes”)
Does any part of you suspect this could be something that you’re “happy you attended” in the end?
If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, this could be a great opportunity to grow as an HSP and challenge yourself. Your various coping mechanisms for social anxiety will likely be more effective if you know why you said “yes” to begin with.
If you answered “no” to a few of these questions, or even one of these questions, yet you still feel like you *should* say yes, you may want to check in with yourself. Perhaps this situation isn’t actually worth the attempt to work through the anxiety of going. And you know what’s not helpful for HSPs? Unaligned situations that confirm that the world is always overstimulating, overwhelming, and unsafe. The more we confirm that bias, the less likely we are to attempt to work through our social anxiety during situations that could actually be beneficial for us to attend!
As always, post was inspired by my wonderful HSP Summer Camp cohort!
