Aligned Career Paths & The Letting Go Process

A little bit on letting go in the midst of finding an aligned career path…. 

I feel called to share a little bit about my career path and how I got here, since I know many of you are questioning what you truly want to do for work in COVID times. 

I’m not  a seasoned career-coach by any means. But there’s one thing that I do know: in order to find a career that’s in alignment, you must start from the beginning. Rewind to childhood. Get a little Peter Pan with yourself. (Shameless plug: Whoroscope Witch Episode #2: Peter Pan. A fan favorite). 

So let’s start from the beginning….

I always knew I loved to read; I loved to write; I loved my teachers. AND—from a young age, something I always noticed about my parents was that they were both unhappy at work. Work was presented to me as this miserable right of passage, something that you “had” to do. As a young person, I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do—but I knew what I didn’t want to do, and that was hate my job. Hating my job became one of my worst fears. It still is. 

Fast forward to college: I studied English & Religion, so it was only natural that I started to shoot my arrow at becoming a teacher. I had this one professor that I absolutely adored, and I saw her spend hours and hours a week having one-on-one meetings with her students, talking to them about their papers, class, life, etc. Sure, teaching in front of a classroom appealed to me. But I remember thinking, “I can’t wait to do that. I can’t wait to sit with my students one-on-one, and listen to their stories.” Again, it wasn't Shakespeare that I was fantasizing about teaching. It was the one-on-one meetings. Remember this for later. 

Once I got to Malaysia after college to teach English, it was the first time, in about 10 years, where I didn’t have homework, papers, a teacher to impress, an assigned book to read. I was in a high-functioning state of depression pretty much my entire college career, but I got the degree, right? I got the scholarship, right? I got the awards, right? That, above all, should be worth my mental health, right? In Malaysia, I started to see my old, anxiety-ridden self from a bird’s eye view. I also stumbled upon a tarot deck, a journal, time with nature, free time to do as a pleased, a loving community, and most importantly—quiet. This was the first time I was actually quiet, in solitude, and could hear my true self. I started to hear spirit and my intuition for the first time (12th house Profection Year). 

A lot has happened since I got back from Malaysia in November 2018. A lot. By some mysterious, aligned, god-like force, I ran into my path as a healer, in the same way you run into an old friend on the street. You do a double-take, not sure if it’s really them. But then they say, “Oh my god, HI!” And your soul just knows it’s them. 

Often, when the full moon comes around, I have to do some re-centering around the path I’m walking. This time last year, there was still a huge amount of doubt when it comes to walking the path I’m on now. Should I go back to teaching English? It would certainly be easier. I wouldn’t have to have awkward conversations with people trying to explain what I do. I wouldn’t have to be silently (or loudly)  judged by my family, and maybe they would finally accept me. Should I go back to school, apply for grad school, just to have that familiar feeling of depression, suffering, and academic trauma that I have become so used to? 

But I realized, this morning, that during yesterday’s Full Moon in Scorpio (5-7-20), I didn’t have to “let go" of this old version of myself who was going to be an English Teacher. In fact, I didn’t really think about her. And I just realized this morning just how big that is for me. I don’t exactly know how many full moons it took to really put the nail in that coffin. A lot of ‘em. Letting go of the old self is a slow, painful process. It seems like you’re never going to get there. But then just one day, it doesn’t really occur to you anymore. Funny how transformation can be seamless. 

Don’t get me wrong. I know healing is non-linear. My past of academic trauma and the need for acceptance from my family is still a loud force in my life. I’m sure there will inevitably be another moment where I sink into the inevitable grad-school-google-rabbit-hole. Inevitably, there will also be another moment when I think it would just be so much easier to just go get a teaching degree; there’s gotta be some high-schoolers out there who are dying for Miss Hasty to read them Lord of the Flies, right? 

But there’s something that’s louder, and that’s my calling, my meaning, and my core desires. By following my intuition, listening to spirit, facing my fears, doing the terrifying thing of putting myself out there, I’ve landed in a career-path that has everything that I ever wanted as a kid, who was dreaming about being a professional book-reader. In fact, I got more than my inner Peter Pan bargained for (and I’m so, so grateful for it): 

-Endless books to read

-The never ending subject of Astrology, Tarot, and Energy Healing, all of which will surely make sure that I’m a  student for the rest of my life  (just how I like it)

-One-on-one, sit down conversations with my “students” (AKA clients) 

-A Classroom to teach in (even if it’s an online Zoom presentation) 

-A path with meaning 

-Something that will never bore me 

-My own business that I can operate from home and align with my own beliefs & integrity

Seems wrong to wrap up my career path in seven bullet points. And at this point, I’m not even sure if I like the words “career” or “job” as much as I like the word “service.” It feels so much better to say, “Today, I’m going to be of service.” 

Today, I’m going to be of service by sharing my first blog post about my interesting, terrifying, and exciting path as a healer. Today, I’m going to be of service by typing up my Astrology client’s transit report. Today, I’m going to be of service by simply walking my path. Today I’m going to be of service in ways that I don’t even know about yet. Today, I’m going to be of service…

Don’t get me wrong—there’s still so much about this path that I still have to figure out. But I’m not in a rush to figure it all out like I used to be. I hope we ( me + whoever is reading this) can continue to figure it all out together. All in spirit timing. 

Happy (late) Full Moon!

Love, Mal